Irish National XCO Championships 2012 - Saturday

Horrific, impossible, plain old fashioned crazy, would have been my response had you asked me what I thought of the course after my first lap on Saturday. I hit roots, I slid, I hit corners, I slid, I hit Willy, I fell. The most important race of my year, and I'd forgotten how to ride a bike. Meanwhile, Gareth danced off down the trail, taking everything in his stride. What was I missing here? To be fair, I'd come home from Davagh NPS, washed my mountain bike, bolted it to the turbo trainer and there it stayed til Saturday morning of race weekend. Making excuses already Dave, oh dear oh dear.


Myself, Vitus/CRC superstar Gareth Mckee, and chief driver/mechanic/organiser/Vets racer/all round nice guy William Mulligan set off from Banbridge at 10am sharp, t-28hrs. As the wheels got rolling and the craic flowing, plans to sleep on the drive down were scuppered as usual. After getting some severe slagging for tucking into a bag of lettuce leaves: the perfect roadtrip snack in my eyes, it was clear that deep down, Mckee was just jealous. Willy kindly pulled in to a filling station for him to try and squeeze a greasy sandwich into the lettuce shaped hole in his belly.


Shortly after, we bumped into the most beautiful start field in the country (minus the fresh sheep waste packages). I'm getting deadly at remembering to put my contact lenses in for races of late, it's so nice to be able to see, and what nicer than Powerscourt waterfall and many miles of lush countryside and pretty peaks to look at. Headed to the sign on tent, was greeted by some nice WORC men, and put pen to paper as best as I could remember how after not being near school for the last month. No turning back now, race number 301 became my lucky number for the weekend whether I liked it or not.

 
Setting out on our first practice lap was not a pretty sight. In fact, it was more a case of a similar word, that rhymes with sight. Thankfully we got back to the Mulligan Mobile after lap 1, and knowing there wasn't much potential of pinch flats, I stuck a Nobby Nic on the front in place of the Renegade, and let about 20psi out of the Racing Ralph on the rear. Screwed out the Terralogic thingy on my forks and slowed the rebound down a bit, and we were ready to roll, round 2. Immediately the Canyon felt like more of a John Deere: we were going nowhere fast, but the grip was almighty. The difference in the 1st and 2nd laps was like day and night, and a smile couldn't help but creep across my face as I rode over roots I could barely ride around half an hour ago. After Willy sacrificing himself on multiple occasions in the quest of finding the limit of his Racing Ralphs, we called it a day. Saturday it shall be known as from now on. Throttled the John Deere back to the car, well, what was left of the car under Djouce's thriving fly population, and headed down to our B&B. Coolakey House was the place, literally less than 5mins down the road, fine job. Was tucking into my bag of lettuce leaves as we pulled up, kind of oblivious to the fact that we'd stopped and the owner of the B&B was at the window of the car chatting to us. Guess I should've been looking at her, pretending to listen and smiling at various intervals, but I was too busy munching. "Are you hungry?" she asked. 'No, I'm David', I thought, as I was reluctantly drawn into the conversation. Soon after, we got the keys to our rooms and I headed out for a cooldown as Gareth took to the shower.


 
Got back just in time to see my boy Brad Wiggins finish the TT, all about 10 black and white pixels of him that spanned the TV screen, while some woman nattered away in the language that only those of TG4 understand. Stole some of Mckee's magic shower gel and got the hot and cold juices flowing. Fast forward through a good night's craic with the BCC men, Clive Caldwell, and his best lady, Lucy.. chilling out in the common room bit of the B&B. Got a bit bored and headed in to the breakfast room to see what I could find, came out with an orange, mug of what tasted like heated diluting juice, I think they call it herbal tea or something. McKee tells me you don't put milk in there with water, but you're probably not meant to put weetabix in either so that was the least of my worries/extravagances.

Bed time. I'm not going to lie. I've literally been fearing this every day for an entire year. I'll not even begin to go into explaining the noises Gar makes when he's blissfully riding his bike through the clouds in z'land, but if you're reading this MI5, and you've some boys you need a torturing, I'm sure Gareth wouldn't charge too much if you supplied him a bed and a teddy. After heading off to bed at about 10pm last year with what lay ahead still a mystery, I tucked myself in and snuggled up to my pillow. Little did I know I would spend the next 4 hours in every position imaginable, and some probably not, trying to find somewhere that I was hidden from the sound waves coming from McKee's airways. On the toilet, behind the curtains, between the bed and the wall, at the other end of the bed, in the far corner, with my bag ontop of my head, with the bed ontop of my head, nothing worked. Fortunately the mental and physical expenditure involved in the planning and testing of the various positions eventually led me to sleep, the last time I checked my watch it'd been 2.30am...

This year I was prepared. I'd been practicing all year, and not yet found a single pair of ear plugs that would stay in my ears. As thick a pair as I could find, and as big a roll of duct tape as I could find were going to have to do the trick. Earplugs in, duct tape wrapped round head and keeping the ear plugs in place, all I could hear was my heart beating in my head (If you've seen 4 Lions this may bring back good memories) and with those thoughts I drifted off to sleep. Job done. Praise be to God.



Tune in tomorrow for part 2, it'll probably mention the race thing I did on Sunday...

Irish XC NPS 6, Davagh Forest

Today, some boys ran round a field, faffing around after a ball on tv, and falling over a bit. Closer to home, some boys sat on motorcross bikes, ploughed a field in Desertmartin and blew apart some old ladies' hearing aids. The real men, you'll have found in Davagh Forest, in a fearsome battle against every force mother nature could bring, armed only with some bottles of juice and a bicycle. Man vs. much mud and many midges. Heroes of war we should all be crowned, for just surviving.

As I finally scrape enough of Davagh Forest's finest mud out of what's left of my eyes to get two clear bits I can see through, I guess it's time to put some words down. I was told once that if you've a couple of sore bits, the body tends to pick up the worst pain most, and forget about the other ones. After punching my arm silly before going into the dentist's one day, coming out tail firmly between my legs: throbbing arm, some deadly painful holes were there used to be teeth, and an incredible vengeance at who-ever was winding me up, I was less than convinced. Only today did it strike me where I went wrong all those years ago: I needed a yellow bottle of 'midge repellent cream', that someone had used all up, then decided to keep their Hydrochloric Acid in. Who's was that? Boyyyy did it burn. Suddenly all the other niggles disappeared, my brain seemed much more concerned that the skin on my face was about to disappear too. I may stick to the Skin So Soft in future...

As I left the house, with only the directions on Carn Wheelers's website and my worse than awful sense of direction, I tapped 'Davagh Rd' into the Sat Nav... 'road not found'. Hmm. I'll try the next mentioned road. 'Sixtowns Rd'... 'road not found'. Technology, eh. This was looking good already!

We finally got up to Davagh late Saturday evening. Most of my family lives up around that end of the country, so I thought it'd be handier to get a lap in on Saturday, kip up at Granda's for the night, then scoot back over to Davagh in the morning for my day's bog snorkelling. At about 7.30pm, mother and myself pulled into an empty carpark in the furthest depths of nowhere's rear end, and Mum's expectations of a happy little camping village with lots of nice people on bikes milling about, fell faster than the Greek economy. Definitely a potential spot for a good scary movie. Didn't have contact lenses in, do have a box of 30 of them or something, but thought I'd save them to the big day, counting my pennies. While lying on my head in a bush in the first section, I decided it would've probably been better if I could see where I was going.

Looked at some fancy lines through the first section, tried riding them, fell off some more, and eventually just thought screw it, we'll probably still be congested by this stage so I'm not going to make or lose much time: ride the main line. Some technical climbs and descents round the rest of the track made for great fun, but it was a true hard-man's course, no let-up at all; pedal, pedal and pedal some more. Tyre choice was going to be a huge factor. Mud tyres seemed logical, for half the track was riding through bottomless bog, but then the other half of the track was smooth singletrack or fireroad. Oh what to do? Go with my worn out driest tyres obviously. Semi-slick Specialized Renegade on the front, kinda grippy Schwalbe Racing Ralph on the rear: it would be doing the steering.

Fast forward a bit to race day, woke up and the sky was still leaking; the track wasn't gonna be any drier anyway. Race was off at 2pm, so hopped on the turbo at about 1.45 and got some blood moving in the legs. Let out as much liquid weight as possible, and headed down to the line. Gridding got started for the mighty men of S2 and our Junior selves, and I was on the front row somehow, awesome. There was no pressure for a good start as the track had about a mile of fire road climbing before any singletrack suffering began. That said, I still did intend to put my foot into my pedal rather than the ground as the whistle went(or whatever they do to start the race, is it only me that honestly can't remember!?), but didn't quite get it in, so was about 20th before I knew it. 

Up the fireroad it was crazy as usual. People ducking and diving everywhere, one side of the road to the other, anywhere there was a gap, or they thought there was a gap, they'd jump into it. More times than not it was only in their imagination, resulting in the glorious tune of tyre buzzing and f'ing announcing our arrival. Men and mice separated, we hit the first bit of bog, through a puddle, or pond moreso, and then a slip and slide down til we hit the gravel singletrack. Would've loved to have been a spectator for that bit, boys everywhere and every shape. Thankfully there's not much else to do where I live than ride around fields, and most of the time it's raining, so I was well used to the terrain.

Got through the start loop and onto the main track, sitting in 5th or so at this stage. Unfortunately Moses was no-where to be seen as we neared the red sea, so we could do nothing but ride through it and hope for the best every lap. Pre-jumped into it and held on tight. Hit the thing so hard on my 3rd lap my front foot clipped out on the impact!

Still a couple of people infront of me, so put in a good effort to get by them to get to the trenches first in the hope I wouldn't lose too much time on my dry tyres. As promised, this bit was deadly. Was like nature's own turbo trainer, you could sit there and pedal as hard as you like and still make no ground. Only managed to clear the whole thing once in my 4 laps, but it was great fun just trying to keep the bike upright and moving in it. Back onto a fireroad descent, into 1st now.

After that I just held it steady and gave her the beans every time I caught a glance of an S1 rider on up the trail. Tried my best not to slack on the fireroads to ensure I was doing my dry tyres worthwhile. Many many slips and slides came and went, to be expected on that type of track. Brilliant fun had. All overshadowed by almost losing it on a super high speed but really tight little bit of gravel singletrack towards the end of the lap though. Must've been doing a solid 20mph as my front wheel caught the inside of the corner, front end started to fold, all my weight went over the front, rear end started to slide a lot, all the ingredients for the perfect face first smash. Thankfully my foot magically appeared and saved my life... and then got caught in the hedge and the whole thing started to happen again! Like there wasn't enough soil in my bib shorts already! Some great descents on the track though, most of them were fairly high speed slidey rooty bits, kept you on your toes.

One of the bridges in the boggy bit had no wire mesh on the first half of it. Front wheel popped on fine, this was going to be ok, back wheel on, go to pedal off it... ABORT! Feet were only starting to dry out a bit after the river crossing, then boom, both feet in half a foot of water and half a foot of muck below it. Need a better offroad diff installed! Eventually by the 4th lap I'd caught on that riding over them would be quicker than falling into them; eased off a bit and made it over. Just.

Caught me bud Matt Adair halfway round the last lap, so cruised with him in to the finish. Crossed the line for the last time, 1st S2 and 1st Junior, happy days. Matt was shouting at me to come for another lap, but as tempting as it was, I'm still carrying far too many injuries to be able to risk doing any more than required! Laughed at him having to drag his body round the battlefield for another lap, and took the much more inviting fire-road back to the car, to get some food.

Big thanks to Rynopower and the much needed Green Oil for the support. The bike cleaner was definitely of use! Thanks to Carn Wheelers for the class show they put on (lovely trophies too), Martin Grimley for keeping things running smoothly, all of the photographers, me mummy for taking me down, Brian Kellett for doing my bottles, everybody that moved over when I called 'rider up', all of S2 for leaving me alone, and Paddy and Stuart for a big hug on the podium. Oh and whoever supplied the box of bananas at the end can't be forgotten either, cheers!

Monty, out.

XC NPS 3 - Tracton Woods - Race Day Rambling

First race of the 'season', this was always going to be an interesting one. 'season', in the mighty inverted commas of mystery, because so far, it really hasn't been much of a season at all.

Pre-season training literally consisted of 3 weeks of what I would call, proper training, the rest mostly spent rolling around the floor stretching, or on the foam roller. From August 2011, my knees have been giving me grief, and been putting a mighty limiter on what training I can do before they blow up. After many, many labouring weeks and months of trying to get anything useful out of the NHS, I ended up with a MRI scan on one knee. Turns out there's some tissue growth disorder in and around my knees, which, according to the 'specialist', is actually fairly common in kids my age, but only flares up in those that do excessive exercise. The bone is growing too fast for the tissue, so the tissue is stretched, and then you go and do a load of training on top of that, tightening the muscles, so the tissue is stretched even more and that pulls everything every shape. Not good. What fabulous preparation for the season... and that's not to mention breaking my wrist 10 weeks ago aswell!

Thankfully I 'will grow out of it', the advice for now was 'not to push it to the limit'... oh the casual ambiguity around what could potentially destroy me future in cycling/world domination.

Race day began at 0030h with Barry and Brian arriving back from their midnight track walk. I seemed to have had fallen asleep (sleeping bags are for wimps), only to be awoken with Barry's torch flashing into my tent and him talking to me. At least this meant I could finally get me sleeping bag and also got kindly donated an air mattress thing, it was boss, many thanks to the Kellett Krew/Team Maxbo. After that I got to sleep fairly quickly, and other than the noisiest birds you've never heard in your life waking me up about a hundred times, sleep was good.

Woke up for a final time at 0730'ish and got some breakfast in before heading away for a practise lap (once I'd ridden through what seemed like every lump of cow excrement in the mighty camping field to get to the road. Irish races, can't beat 'em). Was fairly awesome being out on the track at this hour, had loads of uninterrupted time to ride about every line possible and not possible alike. 'Got 'em dialled' as it could be said...

Unfortunately this was next to no use when the race began. Turns out racing with 30+ S2 men is fairly different than racing with 3 or 4 U16s. With U16 racing, most of the time you're on your own, or in groups of 2 or 3 max, so there was never any worry about missing your lines, whereas S2 turned out to be absolute chaos off the start! Fun nonetheless! Additionally, it kind of added to the madness as I realised that I'd forgot to put contact lenses in about 5mins before the start. This resulted in me running back to the tent, hoking me contact lenses out of the bag at the other side of the tent while trying to keep my dirty shoes out of the tent. Got them out, got positioned nicely infront of Brian's door mirror, think I remembered which one was for the right and which was for the left, and got set on getting the right one in with my muddy fingers. Proceeded to get the left one out of the packet, onto the tip of my finger and heading towards my eye, BAM, gust of wind, goodbye contact lens. Brilliant. Tried looking about, but then realised I was looking for a transparent contact lens in a cattle field and had about 2mins to the start of my race and decided to screw that and get to the start line.

Had absolutely no idea what to expect, from myself, and my severe lack of training. Was hoping I hadn't lost much fitness from last year, but knew the chances of it increasing were terribly slim, and this year, as a Junior rather than U16, our races are twice the duration, so anything was possible, but the odds seemed stacked towards the disastrous end of the scale.

Track started with a 2-3min fire-road climb. Thankfully I got clipped in and off the line well, and was top 15 coming up the climb. Content with this, took it easy and made a few more places before the trail entrance, but didn't exert myself, plenty of time yet. Then we got to the 2nd bit of singletrack, and the rider infront of me slides out on a root. Chaos squared. I try tripoding the bike round him but proceed to almost fall over myself. Not quite the start I wanted. Got past anyway, and got motoring to catch the boys infront that had made a bit of time now.

http://www.windyheightsphotography.com/BICYCLES/XC-NPS-Round-3-Tracton-Woods/22976435_Hhw2qb#!i=1847053584&k=K4qT6wj

Got caught up with them, and was probably sitting in top 7 or so now, but still not really feeling as if I was exerting myself. Saw BanbridgeCC man Simon Curry 2 men ahead, so got up to him and sat behind him for a while, knowing that he's a steady rider who consistently finishes top 3 in S2s, thinking if I can sit on his wheel for the rest of the race, that'll be more than enough to ask for in my first S2 race. This went well, until I took a different line to him coming into a technical section, and it was quite a bit faster, so I ended up coming up on his right hand side on a bit of trail only wide enough for one of us! Luckily averted disaster and squeezed infront of him. From then on, I rode steady, and before I knew it I had caught what seemed to be 1st and 2nd position, but couldn't know for sure whether there were riders in my race ahead of them, or if this was the front of the race! Thankfully at the start of the 2nd lap we passed S1 rider Lance McCarthy, and after trying to tyre buzz him for a while, he let me past and confirmed that they were the 1st S2 riders to go past him. Sitting in 3rd then, sweet.

http://www.windyheightsphotography.com/BICYCLES/XC-NPS-Round-3-Tracton-Woods/22976435_Hhw2qb#!i=1847054973&k=VXnLzd3&lb=1&s=A

Rode for a bit longer, in 2nd place coming up a windy straight, so thought it'd be a good idea to speed tuck in behind the man in-front and save some energy. This was a fantastic idea, just a shame about the execution: he slipped past a stump on his right, but my front wheel was slightly to the right of his rear, and before I knew it i'd hit the stump and was lying on my face with the bike ontop of me, still clipped in. Wasn't sore, just a little offputting when you're trying to stick with the man infront but you're lying on the ground on your head! Got back on and caught him again and got by him and I was out on my own. Kind of couldn't believe it, was wondering if I'd completely screwed up my pacing and was going to blow up badly. Didn't blow up, probably actually went a bit faster over the end of the 2nd lap and into the 3rd lap. Passed some more S1s, but then coming out of a corner I went to pedal and nothing turned!! Disaster! Hopped off the bike and tried to see what was up. Rear derailleur cage had well and truly snapped, and the chain had jumped through the cage and was basically fooked.

http://www.windyheightsphotography.com/BICYCLES/XC-NPS-Round-3-Tracton-Woods/22976435_Hhw2qb#!i=1847046634&k=mb6KVvs

Was able to bend some bits back together and get the chain re-routed and semi-working again. Unfortunately from here on I only had one gear, and when I applied any sort of force the chain was skipping.   Due to the time it'd taken to get the bike going again, I'd slipped back into 3rd place, but only by a little bit. Got going as much as circumstances allowed , and got back into 1st, and made some ground on the rest of the field again. Then about 1/3rd of the way into my 4th and final lap, the derailleur blew up for good, and I was faced with 2 options. Run the rest of the lap and finish the race, I still had good time over the S2 and Junior field, or run the rest of the lap and finish the race. Quitting wasn't an option if you'd seen the amount of food i'd eaten over the weekend... I needed to burn the rest of it off.. haha.

So inevitably S2 riders started coming past me as I ran every uphill and flat and freewheeled and pumped my way on every decline. Then the 1st junior rider came past, and I'd lost both my S2 and Junior 1st place. Shame. Ran and freewheeled on, ended up 2nd Junior and 8th S2, so altogether not the worst performance, but just a bit of a shame that it almost certainly could've been a 1st in both categories!!

I'll not even begin to explain the aftermath of the race, but basically running a lot of a mtb lap with a bike, up steep inclines, bent over to hold onto the bars, turns out isn't such a good idea for your back! Really struggling to stand afterwards, but then I couldn't even bend down to sit in a seat, not desirable! Lay against a car for a while, got some iBuprofen gel on and about half a can of deep freeze on, and then finally made it into a seat. Couldn't move for about the next 2 or 3hrs, meaning I missed getting up onto the podium to get me photy taken, gutted.

It's now 3 days later and I still can't really bend down, back is still mega sore, but I can walk again, and it's getting better, so it's all good!

Track was amazing, big up the MBCC for doing such a super job of organising the race. Team Kellett was amazing, huge thanks for the lift down and back again, and packing up my tent when I was paralysed, and everything else. Also thanks to team BCC - Simon and James Curry and Gar Mckee for providing the morning's craic and helping the tent-packing efforts of the evening.

Also thanks as always to Rynopower for providing all me race fuel, and Green-oil for keeping everything running smoothly (unfortunately they can't fool-proof your derailleurs though..)

Monty, out.

NPS 3 - Tracton Woods - Saturday Night

  So this is kinda cool. Cool. Good choice of words Dave, for not only is it rad to the max, man, its also a bit chilly. Lit only by the 'light' (loosely termed) of my windy uppy torch, heated only by mother nature herself(well, a base layer, 2x t-shirt, jacket, fleece, coat, tights, 2x tracksuit bottoms and a buff are probably helping a little too) and with only my brain, or indeed lack of it, for tonight's entertainment, we're in for an adventure tonight. Not a b&b like all the young felines nearby, but like many's a great men gone before me, *insert famous explorer names* , I'm in a tent. And I've just dropped a bit of sweetcorn or a pea, it's kind of too dark to determine which. Balls. Princess and the Pea vol. 2 - Princess and the Sweetcorn. I joke, if the ground was flat enough to feel a bit of sweetcorn I would be more than happy. Rather, it's consistency right now is that of a lumpy protein shake, with added cow dung.

  It's 22:58, and I really intended to be in 'bed' by now, but with that shiny gleam of over-assurance, I told Barry and Brian that I had everything out of the car that I needed. Which I guess in a sense is true, as I have my dinner, clothes, bicycle and iPod. I guess I just overlooked one minor detail, my sleeping bag. Now normally this would be a simple case of popping over to Brian's tent(we've got an awesome 3 tent village set up here) and asking him for the car keys. Unfortunately the night before a race is never that simple, and Brian and Barry have decided to head off into the forest on a track walk* (yes, it's 11pm..) so although the car is about 10ft from me, the keys are probably about 2miles away at this stage. Bummer. Who needs sleeping bags anyway?

  Barry picked me up at around 2.30pm from my house, we met Brian in Navan, and many, many hours, a couple of scenic detours, 3 toilet stops, 2.5L of water, 4 rice cakes, 2 sandwiches and half a bag of leaves later, we rolled into one of Cork's very finest cattle fields, or for this weekend, the venue of XC NPS 3 - Tracton Woods. 3 tents were erected with only the finesse of 2 of Cork's hungriest men, and another one who wanted to go and ride his bike.
  Believing it was the smart option, I got into my tent asap, got naked(its a whole different experience in a tent, probably not worth putting one up and trying it though) and got into my cycling gear to go for a practise lap. Hopped on me bike and got going. This was awesome for about 5mins of cycling up am open fire-road when I could see where I was going. Once I turned into the trail, or the dark hole that seemed to vaguely resemble a trail entrance, not a thing could I see. By this stage it was after 9.30pm and the sun has long headed over to the other side of the planet. A 'practise' lap was done nonetheless, but literally by feel rather than sight. As I lie here, I have no idea what the track looks like, or where good lines are. Which leads me to question the purpose of that practise lap, ah well, it was fantastic fun!
  Thankfully the track is as dry as my throat will be by the time I've finished me race: grip is very plentiful, which was handy considering I couldn't see anything. I felt many roots. I therefore assume there are many roots. Most definitely a track for full suspension. All the same, it seemed absolutely fantastic; lots of fun bits between the bucking bronto style onslaughts of roots. Most definitely looking forward to another practise lap in the morning when I can see.. assuming I make it through to the morning. Nah, I joke, it's lovely in this tent, there's fudge all wind, dare I say it: no rain, not much noise, and its really not that cold.

  But if Brian and Barry could come back anytime soon now that would be nice. My wee toes are a bit chilly.

  Maybe sleeping bags are kind of useful.. or even just a mat like the dog below

That's all for now, til tomorrow, Monty, over and out.

 *Barry and Brian Kellett are brothers, not gayboys.

The Holy Grail Of Tyre Leverage

Just take a look at these. Now look at me. Now look back at them. Back at me. Back at them. Back at me. Okay, I'll admit that was pointless, but you'll admit you didn't do that, you just kept reading. Anyway, I trust by now you've looked at that little red bicycle riding hood of beauty to the left of this text? If you haven't seen it by now, go back to Facebook and carry on with your life, thanks for the page views. However, if you are one of the Twitter pure race, you'll probably have noticed that luscious lever of legends currently on your screen, as you're just better people #yero. As a Sainsbury's advert would say, this is not just any tyre lever, this is a Bontrager tyre lever. Now to be honest, I used to associate Bontrager with cheap Trek bikes, I never really rated their gear at all. But that was back in the days, the days before I met my favourite tyre lever in the whole wide world. As unassuming and plain old run of the mill normal tyre lever as this looks, this perfect and precise piece of pleasure is far, far from ordinary.

Dt Swiss rims, Maxxis dual ply tyres? I'm sure most of you have been there. For those fortunate few who haven't, imagine trying to open a tin of beans. Done that before? Seem simple yeh? Ok, think about it again, only this time your hands are strapped into a pair of woman's mitts(because boys should never own mitts), your arms are tied together, you are upside down, and you can only use a banana, and it's not even a good ripe Fyffes banana. Seriously, it'll deep fatty fry your head til the extent you'll have pulled this much hair out. You stick the lever in, try to grab hold of a bit of the tyre bead, think you've got a little bit, give it a pull in the hope you'll get a bit of tyre off, the lever slips, you loose the tyre and you're back to square one. Repeat this process x10. Really, if you ever wanted a mental strength test, give somebody a Decathlon tyre lever and a Maxxis/DT set up on a cold day and leave them there til they have forcibly buried the wheel over their own head, or are eating the bearings in the hub while hitting themselves in the face with the QR skewer.

Hours I have spent, in the garage's very own artic climate, fighting polar bears with desert spoons. No matter how many times you try, it just seems to come to nothing every single last one of those times. By this stage if you were doing something more productive you could probably have made enough money to just buy a bloody new wheel, tube and tyre, and some petrol to set the old one a-light after shouting every expletive in the dictionary, and all those new ones you just made up.

But thankfully, all this fickle frustration is in the past. I was a little apprehensive, when buying these, as as mentioned above, I'd prejudged Bontrager. Such was the extent of my distress though, that I was willing to try anything just to be able to get my tyres on and off easier. Show me a brick and tell me it was good at getting tyres off and I've had snapped it up quicker than you'd have finished talking. Thankfully nobody offered me bricks, and instead I ended up buying some Bontrager tyre levers. Similar in looks to a brick, they are certainly much better in function. They even just feel nice in your hands, or toes, or whatever you use when you're all alone with the bike in the garage. Now I've tried Park Tools, Decathlon, Pedros, Weldtite, SKS... the list goes on(Well, it doesn't really, it just stops there, because I found these Bontrager babies and have never had to buy new ones since) and nothing has ever even felt as solid or well manufactured.

On first appearances, other than being cool 'cause they're red, they don't look like they're up to much. Not the most reinforced nor attractively shaped, and the part that should hook onto the tyre looks much to blunt to ever do more than find itself a one way ticket to the bin. Haha, I forgot the majority of us mountain-bikers don't use bins. I mean that middle shelf that you'll never look at again, that's where it'll sit until the day it falls down the back of the shelf, or just disappears all together. But instead, this tyre lever is as subtly sharp as a sharp thing, and it'll grab right underneath your tyre and with a gentle old yank of the wrist, you'll have the tyre on the side of the rim that it's never been before. Then its all smooth sailing from there. You fumble in the next tyre lever and give it a yank too, and before you know it even more of the tyre is exploring places its never been before. Give one of the levers a bit of a pull around the rim and the next thing you'll know you'll have the whole of one side of the tyre free. Get this right once, and the world IS YOUR OYSTER. You'll buy more tyres, ones for raining today, ones for raining yesterday, ones for raining the day before (it's Northern Ireland, don't even consider a dry tyre), just because you can. You'll then change the tyres before every time you go and ride, because you don't have to go through the emotional trauma that normally ensues changing a tyre. Honestly, your entire quality of life, and quantity of life not spent wondering if arm pump from removing a tyre is possible and not to mention realising how sore breaking your nails really is, and all of that just for your lever to snap just as you think you've hit the jackpot, will leapfrog all of those non Bontrager bearers.

Furthermore, they're not just red so that you can spend more time staring in awe of them without getting bored, although this is a useful aspect. In fact, you'll find that most things on a forest floor, which is where you spend most of your time upon your mountain bicycle, or the majority of the majority of the time, on your ass, are brown or green, not red. This may seem nothing special at first. But after being out on an hour's lap around Tollymore one day mid-spin, I stopped to grab some food from my saddlebag. I came to a controlled stop, I took my hands from the bars, I turned around, everything was going well until this point, but upon turning around, I could see the mouth of the saddlebag wide, wide, wide open. Now I can assure you that it was 100% zipped up before I set off for my ride, maybe I should do my next review on a Topeak Wedge saddlebag.... but anyway, my heart had already just dropped to about ground level, as there was a lot of good stuff I'd collected over the years in that saddlebag, or not in the saddlebag now as the case seemed. I bent over for a closer look, hopelessly wishing that there'd be at least something left in the bag, but unsurprisingly it was empty. No angels, no Jesus, no fancy oils or bedclothes, the stone had been rolled back and the tomb was empty. But here, I'll cut this a bit shorter. Basically everything had fallen out of my saddlebag. I retraced my steps, and bit like your woman who left the breadcrumbs in that story you always hear as a child, nothing else did I find, but before long, I stumbled across a little red ribbon of hope in the ground. Upon closer inspection, dayyym right, it was my tyre lever. Not long after, I found the other one too. The rest of the stuff in the saddlebag is still lying in Tollymore somewhere. Cue all you scroungers catching the next tailwind to Tollymore and pitching your tent, but I can assure you, due to the crappy blacks and greys that most bike tools come in, the other kit has found its final resting place.I found them, unlike everything else, 'cause they're red, so they stood out from everything else on the forest floor. Genius x genius = genius^2 .

So forget about your festive feetwarmers and candy canes next Christmas. Simply donate £3, and a child with a bicycle will recieve two Bontrager tyre levers. No longer will they have to spend hours walking to the water well, as they'll be able to get their tyre off to get a new tube in and now they can skid on down to feed the goat til their little heart is quite content. And not just once, but all year. A Bontrager tyre lever is for life, not just for Christmas.
You can even buy a box of 20. Now I'm not sure why, as two will last you a very long time. Maybe you can frame the other 18 or throw them at heures or something.

Monty's product reviews, out.

Ps suggestions for where my heart rate monitor strap has ran away to are much appreciated. Where would you go if you were a HRM strap and suddenly sprouted legs?

Giving 110%

Have always thought the expression to 'give 110%' was a beautiful expression to highlight the simplicity of those who speak without thinking. 110% like? If you were to give 100% I'm pretty sure you'd die, as all of your body would be committed to whatever it would be you'd be giving 100% to, so you'd have no percents left to use for general survival (well, unless you were giving 100% to just surviving). Feel free to argue with me if you think otherwise. Maybe if you're on drugs its possible, as proved by Tom Simpson there. Amazing story if you've the time to read it.
Relating to Tom Simpson, who died while on his way to winning a Tour De France stage due to exhaustion, I was looking at all the people who've died in the Tour De France. Some crazy deaths ranging from drowning in a riveria on rest days, to highsiding a corner and plunging down a ravine, to just plain old impact upon crashing on a descent. Crazy, crazy men.



Saw this the other day, thought it was pretty cool -

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 =103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!

Dangermen and Women of The Future & Whatever Else I Can Think Of

Lately I've just been trying to get my legs to sort themselves out. It's a bit of a drainer, as I enjoy riding my mountain-bike in forests and on mountains, not lying in my room stretching a couple of times a day, and rolling about on a foam roller. Guess you sometimes gotta do stuff you don't like to be able to be better at stuff you do like!

Hadn't been out on the MTB in a very, very long time but heard that Richie Byrne was organising a bit of a spin up in Djouce. Legs/knees still aren't working too well for me, but was getting tremendously bored of riding the turbo day in day out, so thought I'd see what sort of shape the lower limbs were in and if there would be any sense in heading down to Djouce. Stuck the slickest tyre I could find onto the bike and found the wettest field for a bit of sideways craic/serious leg testing.. To you that don't ride bicycles, yes, you unfortunate folk wasting your life away, you probably wont understand the entertainment that can be had from getting a bike sideways, but I'm afraid that's entirely your fault, so I'll not bother explaining what it's like. But basically, it's pure lethal.
Going up hills was like being on nature's very own turbo-trainer, just sitting there, pedalling like a loon, but still not going anywhere.. Only it's definitely a lot harder to fall off a turbo trainer. Definitely had some embarrasing trying to cycle up a hill in 3 inches of mud, coming to a stop and trying to spin out of it, then just falling over moments. This photo you see on your left, that was me trying to pedal up a hill, in a straight line. You can see how slick the field was from the marks in the ground, little dry tyre just wasn't for digging in. #easilyamused . Going downhill was obviously more craic. Good straight sideways moments, didn't take any photos as firstly I was otherwise occupied and secondly I'm sure you've all seen a field before, and if you haven't, there's two photos up above for your pleasure, I can send you some copies if you like.
Legs felt allright after that ride, so decided it'd be worth it to drive the 2 odd
hours down to Djouce and get a good spin in there. Djouce is an incredible place if you've never been there. I've only been there twice, but on the two occasions the sun's been beaming and it's been like I'm in France or something; the views are mad, along with the trails. The below photo'l hopefully be a bit more exciting than the above two, was really scraping the barrel for them..



In the above picture we'd actually just descended the waterfall you see there. Hardcore XC to the max. That's me in the fluorescent jersey, mummy told me to wear one in case I got lost. And it's waterproof, so it made riding down the waterfall a bit cosier. Big shout out to Green Oil for supplying all my chain lube and bike wash and stuff, it's all environmentally, made from coconut oil and nice things you'd normally put in your dinner, so all the fish in the waterfall weren't poisoned.

I've always fancied myself as a Dangerwoman of The Future so Richie's 'Dangermen and Women of The Future' spin seemed like fate itself was calling, so I jumped at the opportunity. The trails in Djouce are special. I'm not sure if it's because I just haven't got used to them yet so there's still a huge novelty factor, or if they are just genuinely amazing. They're not just plain old ride up a fireroad for hours, blast down a straight line downhill trail type jobs, they're proper xc twisty switchbacky pumpy jumpy floaty ones, you know what I mean? Definitely want to get down there a few more times this year, have a few technical skills I need to brush up on and that's definitely the place.

Spin was intended for U12s to U16s I think, so thought it'd be a good outing as I've currently only got the legs of an U12 rider. And I don't even say that as a joke, they were absolutely flying on the day! Some crazy talent we've got, elites is going to get packed pretty soon! There's a wee group photo down below for you.


Great day was had, some good craic with Conor Lavelle and Aaron McCann, and good to see everyone else, it gets wild lonely stuck at home on the turbo! Good to ride with Joe McCall too, man has some experience. Got a puncture, but that was the only bad part of the day, really must go tubeless. Rest of the day was sweet; good sunshine, good trails, good craic. Even managed to stay on two wheels all day which is a pretty big thing. Cheers Richie Byrne and all who turned up.



Plans for the next couple of days/weeks are just to keep at trying to get my knees fixed and start some training! Have a few 2020 dates and maybe a couple of other things, so will keep you's informed.
Monty, out.

Ps. If you're bored give Rynopower extreme sports monster making edible & drinkable stuff a look, oh and unless you're me mummy or daddy, follow me on twitter @davemont

Nappy Yew Hear

Or something like that.
Happy New Year you nice people who take the time to read this, here's my last post before the world ends!


I'd like to take this wonderful opportunity to thank everybody who has helped me in any shape or form this year. You know who you are, and I'd list ya's, but that'd only lead to me forgetting somebody and falling out.
The problem is.. I'm here, and you're there. So I guess saying thanks is kind of impossible? There are a couple of ways we can do this. If you'd like to close your eyes, place your left palm towards your right, and your right palm towards your left, slowly bring them together, and when they connect, give a firm handshake, and repeat these words, 'Thank you so much!' in a tremendously sincere and thoughtful manner (and then take a step back, smile and blush). The alternative is for you to go eat that chocolate bar in your cupboard that you have just began to crave now that you think about it. Think of it as a gift from me to you. ;)

It's been a pretty good year. Well, in some respects it's been good, in others not so much... Aw screw that I'll save you from reading my 2011 biography! Injuries have been the major downsides, but obviously we be mclovin' the positive thinking so it was nice to keep the injuries in the background for the most part of the season and pull off some decent results.
The UK School Games was a pretty amazing experience. Good to ride some new tracks and meet some new people, definitely a lot of super talented lads on the mainland that I'll hopefully get to race again a few times next year. Obviously a bit of a disaster that my knees were both in bits and I was living to throw up on painkillers all weekend. Then I went and got knocked off the bike the first day, so my results were pretty far off where they should have been, but I guess that was out of my control!
Otherwise, National Champs XC track was amazing, thanks to everyone involved in making that, aswell as XMTB's Lady Dixon and Castlewellan courses, both so good to race on and definitely some of the hightlights of the year winning on them. Many good days at the start of the year were also had with the MTBRider crew. Once I can afford to get the Supreme fixed up I'll be back out for some big bike fun! Epic Blast/Red Bull Foxhunt, as always, was a fantastic race. Again, by that stage my knees had given up, but the craic was still had and it was pretty special to be racing down a mountain beside an Olympian, a World Champion, and a World Cup winner, but mainly because I was up against my real heroes, Gareth McKee and Greg Callaghan. Oh and not to mention shredding it down the hill with Dan Sheridan and getting to see Tarbo in a wifebeater. Racing at the Scottish XC round over in Perth was pretty cool too, crazy track with some super steep descents and then mad climbs. T'was just unfortunate after dropping my chain with about 5mins to go that I couldn't get back on the pace and win it, 2nd was nice all things considered.


If you're really bored you can try and spot my bake in that video still there up above ^

Overall I've had an Irish Cyclocross Champion title, Irish XC Champion title, Ulster XC NPS Overall title(winning all 7 races), Ulster Criterium Champion, Rode on Ulster Track Squad to win Interpros, Hillclimb win at UKSG, only lost 1 Irish NPS race on the Canyon but unfortunately hadn't entered enough to win the series, 4th place in a DH race, and a couple of 3rds in club time trials and road races. So after being out with my dodgy knee for 3 months at the start of the year, and being my first year racing, I'd say that's a pretty successful year.


Next year's goals haven't really been planned yet. Obviously I'd like to do the same as last year but with a few more wins and enter a few more races, with the British XC Champs and European XC Champs in mind, but until I can get rid of the injuries I'm carrying at the minute I can't really set anything in stone as I don't know how long getting back to fitness is going to take. Will miss the Irish Cyclocross Championships this year, pretty gutted about that, but I'm doing all I can to ensure that'll be the only big title race I'll miss. Hopefully there shall be some New Year's Revolutions made!

Thanks again to everyone who's helped me in any way this year, even if that's just by reading this!
Here's to an awesome 2012! UTNew Year!

The Arrival Of Some Rynopower!

Yo! How's it going?

What is Rynopower?
I had a big quote from the website here (www.rynopower.com), but then decided you can click the link and go to the website if you like, not much point in me just copying it over here! Basically it's a supplement company over in the US of A, started up by Ryan Hughes, a pretty classy MX'er who used to be on top of it, and has learnt a lot from racing at such a high level for a long time. Rather than sit on his ass and become a commentator or something (Rob Warner ;) ), he's gone out and started up Rynopower, with the aim of providing us classy athletes with the right fuel for the fire! Aaron Gwin, Eli Tomac, Ken Block, Josh Grant, Jimmy Decotis, Robbie Madison, are all on it. What do they have in common? Champions. If you've never heard of them, get yourself a cup of Rynopower protein and decent internet connection prepare to be amazed by some of their videos on youtube!

As hard as I try, one of the most consistent things with my recovery is a lack of it! I can train, train and train again, but when it comes to rest? I'm a racer, I'm not meant to rest! Unfortunately this doesn't work. With overtraining/overexceeding comes injuries, sickness and de motivation, getting the balance of training and rest right is your maker or breaker!
So, can't get enough time to recover? Not able to eat 24/7 as you should when you're training? What’s the solution?
Going to bed at 8pm every night, removing all external stresses from your life, existing with your legs above your heart to keep the blood flowing, 24/7 eating, ice baths and not doing risky stuff to ensure you don't get injured? Yes, but realistically, you're not gonna go out and do any of that are you?
An easier alternative is to get some good supplementation going, and this is where Rynopower comes in. If you're looking to knock your nutrition on the head to help your recovery as much as possible, look no further!

Got some of the goods in the post this week, Rynopower's very bestest gold-package with an extra tub of protein and a couple of t-shirts/stickers/shaker bottle. Good stuff. Unfortunately I got dicked upon by postage from US to here that I wasn't aware of. Package was 14lbs, so ended up being $50 dollars to reach me over here in Northern Ireland! Not such good stuff! Not happy with that at all, but will hopefully get something sorted!

With regards to the actual products, can't really say too much yet, will give a proper review within the month, but so far I'm very impressed! Rynopower offers a wide range of task specific products: protein; carbs; recovery; electrolytes; endurance; motivation, in powder and tablet form which is a nice variety. Also, unlike a lot of the big industry sports nutrition companies, Rynopower has nothing to hide: all nutritional information and ingredients are available on the internet and most of them come on the packaging anyway, go onto the website and take a look for yourself!



So far I've used the 'French Vanilla Protein' and 'Recovery' capsules a lot. Protein has a bit of an interesting taste to begin with, didn't really know what to expect with 'French Protein', coz I know they eat worms and snails and stuff over there! A couple of sips and it's all good though, nice stuff, not too sweet! Looking forward to breaking into the swiss chocolate too! Nice concentration of it with 250mls of water, very drinkable compared to some other products from different companies I've tried. Also the powder dissolves evenly throughout the water! Easy to take this for granted but I've tasted too many shakes that the powder just piles up at the bottom of them even after the wildest shake you can manage!
On another note, the shaker is a super job too! If you don't have much money on ya but want to experience some of Rynopower's top quality kit try out the shaker for starters! Perfect for all occasions: gym, aerobic stuff, swimming, school, work, romantic dinners, hamsters, throwing over people, drinking, losing, dropping, forgetting to close etc. Although the lid on it is actually really good! Good firm click on it when you close, it'l bring back those beautiful memories of clipping into your pedals even when you're lying on the sofa injured like myself! ;) What's not to like about it?
Recovery tabs go down a treat, just throw a couple down the pipe before bed-time with a couple of hundred ml's water and you're sorted! Will try and do some tests over the next months and see if they're any use now.
(UPDATE: Just tried the chocolate flavoured protein thismorning: class. I don't even like chocolate flavoured drinks but this is spot on, goes down effortlessly. If you're going for some protein, which you'd be crazy not to, get the chocolate flavour ordered!)

I know to some, the products may seem expensive, but just bare in mind how much you spend on getting grams off the weight of your bike? You're getting something here not losing something! Grams of this kit is much better value for money for yourself, concentrate on upgrading yourself not your bike and you'll see much bigger improvements believe it or not! This stuff is legit!

This Saturday is my first day training with the 2020 Olympic Talent Team so will neck a couple of different things and get back to you on how they are, maybe get a photo of the broken gym equipment after I've ripped it apart! haha. Maybe even get to try the race-situation portaloo test if I'm lucky, will see how it goes down, literally!



That's all for now! Will keep you updated, for now, www.rynopower.com